The day I gave up…

It was a normal Sunday for us. We got up, ate a hurried breakfast and drove to church a bit early. Once there my husband and I practiced with the worship team, and since we were both practicing, our little girl had no one to keep her pinned to the pew. The first 10 minutes were fine, but the other 30 were a little different. It’s easy to get really frustrated in those moments when you see your child running wildly through a place of worship. But God spoke to me as I watched her talk with our pastor, one of the youth group kids, somebody helping with sound, and again as she ran up to say hi to every musician and singer on the platform. She even decided to “play piano” on the music minister’s back when he wasn’t looking.

Someone leaned over to me and said, “She’s really comfortable in her own skin today!” To which I politely rolled my eyes, nodded my head and said, “yeah.” I tell ya, I’m a real wordsmith. Hah.

But, as I said, God spoke to me, almost like he slowed down time for a minute to let me see how precious each encounter was. No one was aggravated by her. They received kindness. No one was annoyed. They enjoyed a laugh at her silly antics. No one was frustrated. They all saw something I couldn’t; a little girl just being a little girl. Everyone smiled. I gave up. I gave up feeling aggravated and annoyed and put-out that she would DARE disobey me. I gave up the notion that she could actually sit still for a 45 minute practice session. I gave up the idea that she could sit idly by instead of giving a sweet hello to every person she saw that morning. And that’s just what it was. Sweet.

I gave up my too big expectations, but more than that, I gained a new-found love for the sweetness in my little girl. I knew it was there. I see it in the way she always needs one more hug, the sweet prayers she lifts up for those who are hurting, the tender care she takes when she caresses our faces. But it’s easy to forget in the hurried moments on a busy Sunday morning, or a fast school day, or any time really. It’s easy to forget. It’s easy to give up in the other direction too. But that’s something I won’t do! I will certainly still instruct and discipline my daughter. I won’t give up on raising her well. But maybe it’ll be a little easier to remember just how little she really is and enjoy this time just a little bit more.

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The Bucket List

So, this is a bucket list I wrote in 2015. Many of these things have been on my mental list for more than 5-10 years, so getting them written down is a good start. They are written down stream-of-consciousness style, and in no particular order. Hopefully I can mark several several more off the list by the end of 2016.

2015 Bucket List

1 Build up savings for six months of living expenses.
2 Sell the Grand House.
3 Send a handwritten card/letter to my husband every week for 1 year.
4 Run a 5-K.
5 Learn ASL, again, and use it regularly.
6 Take a camping trip with friends.
7 Take a dance class.
8 Write my will.
9 Take a vacation to Boston.
10 Lose 100 pounds.
11 Finally write that book I’ve started a 10 times.
12 Learn to play guitar.
13 Spend Thanksgiving or Christmas at a cabin with the family.
14 Send a handwritten card/letter to my daughter every week for 1 year.
15 Buy a guitar.
16 Release a paper lantern.
17 Layout and watch the stars.
18 Shave my head.
19 Donate my hair.
20 Go to the Texas State Fair.
21 Go for a midnight walk.
22 Visit the Pacific Northwest for a week.
23 Kiss in the rain.
24 Take a road trip just for fun.
25 Stay at a B&B.
26 Host a quarterly craft party.
27 Let my daughter choose my outfits for a week.
28 Go make-up free for a month.
29 Start a blog and maintain it regularly.
30 Dance in the rain.
31 Build a patio.
32 Sell some art.
33 See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)
34 Buy a new car.

Stay tuned for the next post where I update you on several of these that have already happened.

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